i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
