i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
