there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
