The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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