How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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