I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
