I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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