and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
