I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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