Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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