dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
