8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Non-Jews are for practice
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
