I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
