Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
