Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
