Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
