Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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