I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
