hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
