found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
