chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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