How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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