that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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