I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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