I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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