dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
