he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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