Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
