take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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