why didn't you poke me back
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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