Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
