He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
