you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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