Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
