he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
