Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
