Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
