Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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