i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
