when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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