i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
