Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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