no, he came in my armpit
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
