question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
