Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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