thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
