To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
