I puked a lego.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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