we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Can I color on your dick again?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
