I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
