Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
