He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Where is the hickey?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She tied me up with her honor cords...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
