I didn't shave. On purpose
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
