Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
