google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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