My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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