Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
