what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
