I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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