after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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