The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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