He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
