i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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