Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We named our party play list daddy issues
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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