I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
