Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
