i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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