Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
