And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
