A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
