Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am available for nakedness
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize