two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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