Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
