My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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