evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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