I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
