I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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