So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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