My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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