P.S. I can't hear my feet
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
