btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
