Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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